A woman from the records department stopped by the maternity ward for information for a new baby's birth certificate.
"Father's date of birth?"
"February 1st," replied the new mother.
"Hmm," said the clerk. "Did you realize your baby's birthday is exactly nine months after your husband's birthday?"
"No, I guess not," responded the mother, "but now that you mention it, our daughter's birthday is today, too." The clerk smiled and said, "Maybe you should start giving your husband a tie for his next birthday!"
Friday, July 27, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
More Groaners
1. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. He was immediately arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
2. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
2. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Groaners
1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.
Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"
Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, it makes no difference who you are."
2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers.
However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire so, alas, we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"
Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, it makes no difference who you are."
2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers.
However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire so, alas, we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Just because I can....
So yes, AKJ called it right, I am a CHEATING F#@%TARD!
When I originally plugged my blog into the ratings website, I earned a PG. In my utter shock and dismay at how that coud have happened, I happened to notice the HTML code that you are supposed to plug into your site and altered it a little. BLAMO I had an R and try as I might, I couldn't change it so that an X would appear. So I just left it as R.
Later, I plugged in a couple more websites I knew of to try and see what it went up to. I plugged in a porn site and it came back as R, so I was convinced that was the toughest rating. Then I plugged a long lost friend's Taxi Blog (see the side panel for link), and it came up with NC-17! I was so jealous, but I saw how to make it show that rating, and changed the HTML again.
I really want to start turning the heat up on the old blogo, but don't want to drive away any work readers (ha ha, like there are any). So, I will still swear a bit in the comments section in replies to replies, but not in the actual posts. Unless all of my regular readers cry out for me to write like I talk....every other word blue.
When I originally plugged my blog into the ratings website, I earned a PG. In my utter shock and dismay at how that coud have happened, I happened to notice the HTML code that you are supposed to plug into your site and altered it a little. BLAMO I had an R and try as I might, I couldn't change it so that an X would appear. So I just left it as R.
Later, I plugged in a couple more websites I knew of to try and see what it went up to. I plugged in a porn site and it came back as R, so I was convinced that was the toughest rating. Then I plugged a long lost friend's Taxi Blog (see the side panel for link), and it came up with NC-17! I was so jealous, but I saw how to make it show that rating, and changed the HTML again.
I really want to start turning the heat up on the old blogo, but don't want to drive away any work readers (ha ha, like there are any). So, I will still swear a bit in the comments section in replies to replies, but not in the actual posts. Unless all of my regular readers cry out for me to write like I talk....every other word blue.
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