Groaners

1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.

Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, it makes no difference who you are."

2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers.

However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire so, alas, we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.