The only reason to move to Chicago...

Because they have guides for this. (FYI - probably not safe for work)

Link here

Planting The Tomatoes

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad.

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.

Love, Vinnie.

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love, Vinnie.

ANSWERS: Male or Female

1. Freezer Bags.

Freezer Bags are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2. Photocopiers.

Photocopiers are female, because once turned off it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

3. Tires.

Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

4. Hot Air Balloons.

Hot Air Balloons are also a male object because to get them to go anywhere you have to light a fire under their butt.

5. Sponges.

Sponges are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

6. Web Pages.

Web Pages are female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently being hit on.

7. Trains.

Trains are definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

8. Egg Timers.

Egg Timers are female, because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

9. Hammers.

Hammers are male, because, in the last 5,000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

10. Remote Controls.

The Remote Control is female. Ha! You probably thought they would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keep trying.

FYI - stolen word for word from another website, who stole it from somewhere else, I'm sure.

Quiz: Male Or Female?

CLARIFICATION: I am not talking about the gender of the word that some languages use, try thinking as if it is a joke...

You may not have known this, but a lot of inanimate objects actually have a gender. That's right, they are either male or female. Following is a list of examples, see if you can guess which are male and which female.

1. Freezer Bags.

2. Photocopiers.

3. Tires.

4. Hot Air Balloons.

5. Sponges.

6. Web Pages.

7. Trains.

8. Egg Timers.

9. Hammers.

10. Remote Controls.

FYI - stolen from another website, who stole it from somewhere else, I'm sure.

I'll post the answers in a couple of days.

News of a loss

Well, here it is. Official word that Robert Jordan's thread was cut from the pattern.

Here it is

So here is a stock photo of my car, I have been remiss in my duties and not taken a real photo to post yet. I will take one shortly and post it.

I had to stop to do this

Yup, as some of you may already know, I have it. It is in my possesion right now. It is big, red, powerful and goes like gangbusters.

I also got my new Mustang, pictures will be up soon.

But why do I have to wait???

OK, so I decided on a Mustang. Red. No fancy-shmancy options. At the dealership on Monday, set it all up. They didn't have one on the lot, but could get one by Wednesday. I was so stoked! Then they called and said that the dealer that had that one called to tell them that it had $300 of hail damage, that had been fixed, but gave me the opt out. I opted out and they found a new one that would be in on Friday, I told them I would pick it up on Saturday (after I hauled some more mulch in the truck). Got the mulch and called to let them know I was on my way, and they filled me in that when they got it, the dealer had put aftermarket stripes on it but didn't list it on the car info. I don't like the stripes, they are too Camero for me. So they are getting another one that should be there on Monday. At least I am getting my money's worth on the tank of gas I put in the truck....

Test Drive Mania

So I have been on the hunt to pick out my next new vehicle. As some of you know, my truck lease ends in October, and my dealership called me in to offer to buy me out early.
My original plan was to get something new, small and fuel efficient. Then I realized that I have really gotten used to having a truck and it's usefulness. At that point, the plan switched to getting a compact pick-up with four doors. I test drove the Tacoma and really liked it. It sat like a car, had pretty good room in the back seat, and still had 3/4 of a bed in it. Unfortunately it was outside of the price limits that I had set myself. So I had to open up to new options.
I figured that I have a small trailer, so I should get a cheap car that I could put a hitch on for the few times I need to haul stuff. I looked at the Yaris hatchback, but I couldn't get my legs in under the steering wheel. Then I looked at the Scion XD and XB. The XD looked cool, and had decent power, but was too cramped. The XB was solid, had good power and good cargo capacity. It also didn't feel cheap, that is until I drove the Honda Civic Coupe. It was an order of magnitude more solid, fun to drive, but lacked in capacity and the very fuel efficient motor had no get up and go. I had originally stopped at the Honda dealer to drive a Fit, but he said there was a 6 month waiting list and he didn't even have one to test drive. After waiting nine months for the Prius, I wasn't doing that again, especially since come Oct 1 I had to give up the truck.
Friday, I went online at work to look at some of the discounts we get at the various companies. The Chrysler/Dodge deals were really good, and almost made me want to get one. The Ford/Mazda deals were also pretty good, so I thought that I should go test drive a Mazda 3. It was pretty good. It had a good bit of zoom-zoom, and cabinocity, overall it came in tied with the XB for my new car.
Then I did the unthinkable, but before I tell you that, I to tell you another story. When I was shopping for my first car, the small used car lot up the highway from my house had a 1965 midnight blue Ford Mustang. It was the car I had dreamed about. Stylish, muscular, rad. I sooo wanted it, bad. My brother looked at it and said that there were way too many things that need repair/restoration and thus it was out. We searched some more and found an 81 yellow 4 cylinder Mustang hatchback. Even though it was not the uber-Stang, the lost one was, it was a Mustang. I had to have it. I drove that all through high school, picked up the Sexy Blonde every morning, and probably crammed like 75000 miles on it over 3 years. I would blow people away at stoplights, I could put the backseat down and through tons of stuff in the back. I put a CB radio in it (that was pre-cellphone explosion era) and only ever had one accident, where I hit a deer.
The month before I was to ship out to college, the clutch and transmission blew. I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. It really wasn't worth the money to fix it (after said deer crash, tons of miles, and the beating it got from me) so I parked it and found a new beater. A brown Chevy Cavalier sedan. It was cheap and was supposed to get good mileage. It was the Mach V, Piece of Shit. It got like 13 MPG, had no get up and go and was no successor to the yellow Stang (Afore mentioned girlfriend subsequently inherited it as her first car).
I am set to test drive the last car under consideration tomorrow after work, we'll see how it goes.

Geek TV

OK, so some of you have already heard me go on about a new streaming video site and how addicted I am to it. See there used to be this show on G4 that I was completely in love with, until they replaced the hosts. Two of the guys were really funny, Alex Albrecht and Kevin Rose. They have been gone for some time now, and the guys they replaced them with just didn't cut it, so I stopped watching.
Well, I was watching CNET Live one day, and those guys just happened to be the special guests. They got together with one of the original internet architects and started a website called Revision3 , where they and some other folks record and create their own 'TV' shows. It is SO COOL! The one that I am stuck on at the moment is called 'The Totally Rad Show'. I can't get enough. I even subscribed via iTunes and they automatically download, if I had a video iPod I might even watch them on the bus.

Data Mining

A woman from the records department stopped by the maternity ward for information for a new baby's birth certificate.

"Father's date of birth?"

"February 1st," replied the new mother.

"Hmm," said the clerk. "Did you realize your baby's birthday is exactly nine months after your husband's birthday?"

"No, I guess not," responded the mother, "but now that you mention it, our daughter's birthday is today, too." The clerk smiled and said, "Maybe you should start giving your husband a tie for his next birthday!"

More Groaners

1. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. He was immediately arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

2. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

Groaners

1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.

Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, it makes no difference who you are."

2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers.

However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire so, alas, we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

Mingle2 is just too weird!

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Just because I can....

So yes, AKJ called it right, I am a CHEATING F#@%TARD!

When I originally plugged my blog into the ratings website, I earned a PG. In my utter shock and dismay at how that coud have happened, I happened to notice the HTML code that you are supposed to plug into your site and altered it a little. BLAMO I had an R and try as I might, I couldn't change it so that an X would appear. So I just left it as R.

Later, I plugged in a couple more websites I knew of to try and see what it went up to. I plugged in a porn site and it came back as R, so I was convinced that was the toughest rating. Then I plugged a long lost friend's Taxi Blog (see the side panel for link), and it came up with NC-17! I was so jealous, but I saw how to make it show that rating, and changed the HTML again.

I really want to start turning the heat up on the old blogo, but don't want to drive away any work readers (ha ha, like there are any). So, I will still swear a bit in the comments section in replies to replies, but not in the actual posts. Unless all of my regular readers cry out for me to write like I talk....every other word blue.

I guess I need more swearing, FRAK!

Test Your Knowledge: Answers

OK, ready for the answers? Here ya go:

1. The only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense and the offensive team can score without touching the ball is ... Baseball.

2. Three English words beginning with dw..... Dwarf, Dwell, and Dwindle. (Extra point for Dweeb!)

3. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with "S"....Shoes, Socks, Sandals, Sneakers, Slippers, Skis, Skates, Snowshoes, Stockings, Stilts.

4. The North American landmark constantly moving backward is ... Niagara Falls. (The rim is worn down about two-and-a-half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)

Test Your Knowledge

1. Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense and the offensive team can score without touching the ball?

2. Only three words in Standard English begin with the letters "dw" and they are all common words. Name two of them.

3. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S."

4. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

Leave your guesses in the comments and I will post the answers in a day or two.

At last, a politician who is finally making sense

-- and it's a Canadian politician at that.

Meet Mike Lake, a member of Canada's House of Commons representing his constitutents in Edmonton, Alberta.

And the most burning issue in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, at this particular moment in Canadian history is: BIG FOOT! Or Sasquatch, if you're going by the critter's Canadian name. No, really, Lake even has proof in the form of a petition signed by no less than almost 500 of his Edmontonian constituents imploring the Canadian House of Commons to protect Sasquatch, a.k.a. Bigfoot, as an endangered species. Specifically, "to establish immediate, comprehensive legislation to effect immediate protection of Bigfoot."

Always alert for a worthwhile cause, Lake wants the legendary hairy man-like beast, Sasquatch, protected under Canada's Species at Risk Act, according to news reports.

Bigfoot researcher Todd Standing, who organized the petition, claims to have proof of the sasquatch's existence and says he fears for its safety.

Even though there are some -- some would even say a majority of -- people who consider Bigfoot/Sasquatch to fall somewhere between folklore and outright hoaxes, I think Lake, and the gullible ... er ... good people of Edmonton, are on to something worth supporting.

Even if you think Sasquatch is only folklore masquerading as a legend dressed as a rumor it would still be a good idea to add the hairy critter to Canada's Species at Risk Act if for no other reason than we have been wrong before so it could happen again.

And while we're opening the door to alleged species protection, I firmly believe that dragons and unicorns should be added to the list providing them protection because they are way cool and they should exist, but if they did exist they would sure as hell need protection. Same thing for mermaids, a species definitely worthy of protecting. And phoenixes, too! And my cat should have federal protection, too!

Look at it this way, if we keep the politicians busy protecting our pets and imaginary creatures, maybe they won't have time to waste so much of the public's money killing other people. So, you go, Mr. Lake, and good on ya, eh!

Which horse to back?

So, I have had some time to think about things other than the house. The thing that just keeps popping up is which hi-def DVD format to choose. I am not sure why I feel I need to make this decision right now, since it will be some time before I get the luxury of making that choice, if I ever do. I think that I should try out a couple of choice DVD's on the LCD before I start thinking about it....really!
But, I feel I need to examine the options and weigh in. My initial reaction is to go BluRay, cuz I am a Sony hoar. Like Beta, it seems like it has the best picture, most capacity and is the most expensive. Whereas HDDVD is cheaper, faster to market, and close enough in picture quality to make it the front runner. I guess the only thing to do is figure out which one will porn choose.